apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
