Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
