Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
