The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
