ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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