so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
