saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would fuck him just for his dog
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
