Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
