im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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