My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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