I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
