i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
