Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
