Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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