I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
