It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Randomize
