So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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