Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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