I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fuck appropriateness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
