Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
