do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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