Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
