Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
