sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
