i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize