It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
