if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
