I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
