It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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