I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
