first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
