I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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