his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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