it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
