he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunk walkin through police station. America
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
