Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I will die if light touches me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
