I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
