youre lurking in front of me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
