Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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