I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
