She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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