he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
