my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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