I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
