Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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