I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish there were birth control emojis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
