So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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