Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
