No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
