I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was a blind-side dick pic.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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