you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
