He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
