I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
