I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
