If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
