Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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