I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
