The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
