i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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