I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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