How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
