there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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