just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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