Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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