i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
