is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
