I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He kissed a someone with a penis
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
