Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
