Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
