So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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