New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
