She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
