i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
