Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
