Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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