Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Who died my cat blue again?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
