you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
