Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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